At 7:17, I had already been catching up on social media for 10 minutes. I told myself I could fuck around until 7:30 when I had the choice of either reading my book, or getting a jumpstart on this very blog post. When I finally broke my mindless gaze from a digital black hole of hateful Katie Hopkins tweets and, coincidentally, a lengthy Instagram caption an old friend wrote about taking a break from social media, the clock read 7:44. Fourteen minutes longer than I had allotted, totaling 37 minutes effectively lost from my day. Sometimes this happens multiple times a day. Every time it takes all of me not to “accidentally” drop my phone in the toilet and “forget” about the bag of rice trick. I don’t react well to ruptured personal discipline.
Time. Can you believe our entire lives are constructed around something completely illusory? There are physicists who devote their life’s work to dismantling the truth of its existence; but let’s be real: I bet none of those nerds were ever late for class. I can be neurotic about how I spend my time, which is why I feel an acute sense of guilt when I slip into the aforementioned scenario…hence the toilet thing. Whether I’m breathlessly busy or baking scones “just because” in between episodes of How to Get Away With Murder, one thing you’ll never hear me say is, “I don’t have time.” Knowing what millions of people accomplish in 24 hours and under what damn-near-heroic circumstances they do it, I refuse to buy into this deflective, robotic response. I found an exercise that challenged readers to take every pursuit to which they respond “I don’t have time” and replace it with “it is not a priority.” Knock yourself out.
Two questions I have surrounding time are as follows:
- Why are we reluctant to confront how we choose to spend our time?
- Why do we waste so much of it?
Question 1
Let’s begin with that dreadful phrase: “I don’t have time.” You may be busy—and very busy, at that—but you have time. Beyond demographic implications, time is equitably distributed to every healthy, capable adult on the planet. As long as you exist, it is yours to use. Isn’t that magical? When you default to “I don’t have time” over more thoughtful responses like “it is not a priority” or “I am busy pursuing X to achieve Y,” you are surrendering your responsibility for what occupies your time to forces beyond yourself. You cannot be the architect of your reality when you attribute non-pursuits to “not having time.” Admitting that how we spend our time is personal choice is the first step. Confronting those choices comes next, which can invoke shame or discomfort. We feel bad acknowledging that we spent 30 minutes surfing Facebook, but didn’t manage to devote the same *2%-of-our-day* slot to exercise. We feel bad when we realize we’ve hit four happy hours this month and haven’t written a single page of that novel. It is only when we get honest with ourselves and embrace feeling bad that we can make changes and maximize our time. Somewhere, right now, there is a mother of young children working full time, pursuing an advanced degree, maintaining a healthy marriage, and exercising. She is not a freak of nature. She is a real person who has chosen to maximize her time. And believe it or not, she sleeps.
Question 2
Dead-end relationships.
Instagram. Then Snapchat. Then Facebook. Then Instagram again. Repeat.
Staying at the bar until 2, inciting a hangover that could have been avoided had you just sacrificed those two hours and went home at 12, thus losing an entire Sunday to Netflix and Chinese food.
Why do we waste so much time? Remember when I said you have time? Well, you do. And it will escape you quicker than El Chapo if you continue choosing the same unfulfilling ways to spend it.
When you weigh the pros and cons of your romantic partner, do you yield more good than bad? My first hunch would be the latter if you’ve reached the point where you need a pros and cons list. You might as well ask a magic 8 ball while you’re at it. (completely kidding). Marianne Williamson asserts that every choice we make is driven by either fear or love. Staying in unhealthy relationships is a fear-driven choice—fear of seeing them with someone else, fear of being alone, fear that you can’t do better, fear that you’ll regret it. Choose to act in love and end the relationship, granting both parties the opportunity to use that precious time to A.) build better relationships with yourselves, or B.) find more suitable partners.
Social media is a powerful tool and everyone under the sun has written about it. Blah blah blah “I’ve made great connections and been inspired but WhY aM i AlSo GeTtInG dEpReSsEd?” Insert derpy Spongebob meme. Quite frankly, because we have no discipline with it. Emphasis on we, because as you read in my intro, I am very much a victim of my own (mobile) devices. Let’s not beat a dead horse with another evidence-based explanation of our stimulation-addicted culture and just leave it at this: we are losing time that we could use to be happier people by choosing our phones. Our capacity to focus is being compromised and it is trickling into everything we love.
Drinking is fun. I love to drink. You can catch me grooving in a sea of weirdos to industrial techno at The Barbary, or doing my best “independent, successful city girl” impersonation on The Continental rooftop after work on a summer day (I guess I am those things, so it’s not so much an impersonation as a reluctant admission. I blame Imposter Syndrome.). A self-proclaimed party queen, allow me to take the stand on this one: it is cool and your friends will understand if you miss some nights out to do the thing you are called to do. Not called like jury duty, but called like your soul is screeching and clawing at the walls of a damp basement to be unshackled and released into this thing you care about. Even if it’s just to start getting better sleep! Or changing your diet! If you know in the depths of your gut (reminder: probiotics) that you need something to happen, make. the. time.
What constitutes “wasted time” is subjective, so take my word with a grain of salt. There’s something gorgeously human about your head pinging with last night’s toxic cocktail of booze, cigarettes, and drugs. And if your happiness is contingent upon thick naps and knowing what everyone’s tweeted between now and 20 minutes ago, gon’ head girl, because there’s nothing wrong with that. But if you’ve got the itch to explore and the urge to see more strikes through that dusty bucket list and the downright need to drop your lying cheating boyfriend because one more minute with this dud will make your head explode, you know what the fuck to do. Now, go out there and use your time wisely, baby. The clock is ticking.
