Disclaimer: if use of religious motifs to describe nail treatments offends your sensibilities, please move on. But if you’re like Warren W., with whom I feel wholly connected after reading his Yelp review of MI CUMBIA Organica, stick around.
Broke with expensive taste is more than just an Azealia Banks album (speaking of her, what the fuck’s going on?). It’s the lifestyle I’ve cultivated since I was old enough to mispronounce “J’adore” when requesting the classic Dior perfume for Christmas in 7th grade, just one year prior to my first French lesson. I’ve excelled as Miss Dom Pérignon on an André budget so proficiently that I deserve university tenure—3-credit lectures on how to spend what you don’t have that’d somehow serve you better than most gen-eds. I suppose a YouTube series could suffice, though.
Among my many can’t-afford-this-but-imma-do-it-anyway habits is getting my nails done. There’s an innate richness to both the process of having your extremities treated professionally, as well as admiring the finished product in the days to follow. Juxtaposed against my usual combo of XXL tie-dye t-shirts and baggy sweatpants, pristine claws pull things together.
Building The Hype
On my frequent strolls down South 17th Street, once I had already hit Miel Patisserie for macaroons (pro tip: pistachio and salted caramel), and Bluestone Lane for an iced latte (pro tip: they don’t take cash. Sorry, fellow bartenders), I’d peek through the windows of MI CUMBIA Organica and envision myself sipping Colombian coffee while my cuticles soak in hot oil. My fantasy would come to a screeching halt via text message update from my credit card, essentially reading, “lol nah,” and onward I’d march to my $20 gel mani at Mira Nails on South Street. Technology really HAS destroyed imagination, huh girls?
MI CUMBIA is a pioneer in non-toxic beauty as the nation’s oldest organic nail salon. This adorably unassuming spot is locally owned and operated by a husband and wife, grounded in Colombian tradition. I highly recommend surfing their gorgeous website for the low down. Between the clean products, strong staff, and exquisite services, you’re looking at around double+ the prices of standard nail salons. I figured I’d give it a whirl if I ever found myself at the rare intersection of a financial come-up and literally any holiday. *St. Patrick’s Day? Not Irish, but sure I’ll celebrate by spending $130 on something that lasts 2 weeks!*
I returned to the city one Sunday after a weekend away to a gift card for the pampering of my dreams: a coconut pedicure and a coconut shellac manicure. Sometimes men really listen. I had high hopes for this place, but boy, were they blown out of the water.
Living Up To the Hype… and then some… and then some more
I’ve never had full blown phone sex (I prefer a sext. It’s like portable erotica without the Fabio book covers), but I have a feeling the end game is similar to what I experienced with Sahar, MI CUMBIA’s manager after booking my appointment. Countless “loves” and “boo thangs” later, I wondered if I was getting a mani/pedi or arranging a date with the cutest resident of Philadelphia. Either way, I was stoked. For reference, they request you book 2-3 weeks in advance. I snuck in around the 1 week mark.
After a couple reminder texts complete with Colombian flag emojis (love salons that go the extra mile), I popped in for my 5 PM appointment last Wednesday. First off, the space is transportive. The walls are lined with burlap Colombian coffee packaging. There are plants. There are decorative pillows. There’s a coffee station and an air quality that wraps you in South American hospitality. It’s a bohemian oasis for the eco-conscious and visually stimulated.
Sahar was every bit as dreamy in person as she was over the phone. She guided me like a shepherd to a comfy pedicure chair where I was offered beverages, a neck warmer draped across my shoulders, and the lights turned down for ambiance—again, no shortage of pet names. This place is not for the cold of heart. There are two pedicure chairs facing each other, but the experience remains intimate and exclusive.
Blanca entered the room to begin my coconut pedicure—a 45-minute process involving a hot oil massage and shredded coconut exfoliate. This woman has sacred hands. I slipped into a trance as she released deep-rooted tension I didn’t know I had. The warmth of the oil felt baptismal, Colombian music floating softly like hymns as I exchanged energy with the woman at my feet. I’m not saying I saw Jesus, but I’m convinced my glass of water turned to wine when she coated my legs in crispy coconut and removed every speck of dead skin from the last few months. There is divinity embedded in self-care, should you be open to receive it like a core-shaking sermon. I could have given MI CUMBIA five stars on the pedicure alone.
I then followed Blanca out to the main area for my manicure—the same treatment with upgraded shellac polish. I laughed like longtime homegirls with the staff as we chatted everything from pizza to shoes. Apparently I NEED to try Clarkville in University City… anyone? As I took my final 5-minute seat under a dryer to ensure a smudge-free walk home, it became clear that I had achieved nirvana. It’s tough to balance boisterous laughter with meditative tranquility, but somehow this place has it down. You will leave feeling like a refreshed queen coming off a week in Costa Rica. I spent $25 on Indian food when I got home because the indulgence simply couldn’t end there.
It’s important for me to acknowledge self-care as a privilege, especially at chemical-free establishments. Poisonous is the U.S. standard for everything from food to beauty, and you will pay more for clean, real consumption. Too many health bloggers write about their yoga classes and ayurvedic consultations as if these practices are easily integrated into one’s budget. Beauty rituals are no different. Man Repeller published a fantastic piece on self-care in June where a writer chronicled her month of pick-me-ups totaling nearly $600. Before you fork out cash for such services, I encourage you to reflect on your self-care spending. This industry is just as predatory as any, and if it doesn’t feed your soul and take you somewhere even vaguely spiritual, I suggest you opt out.
MI CUMBIA Organica receives the elusive A++. Ten stars out of five. It’s an escape from the city without needing to leave. And if you find yourself jonesing for a quick dose of sugary sweet affection, just give Sahar a buzz. She’ll fix you up real good, baby.
