It took me months to finish Kerouac’s On The Road. When I finally turned the last page, I felt my chest expand to relieve the tension of forced literary consumption. A box checked! I completed the great scroll that energizes writers and sends enchanted readers on cross-country Denver escapes.
So, why didn’t I enjoy it?
What’s wrong with me?
How could something so important take me so long and leave me so deflated?
It’s been almost two years since I finished On The Road, but I was reminded of this experience the other day in an Uber en route to Fishtown. We drove past Barcade, a—you guessed it—bar with arcade games, and I instinctively sneered. I hate that place, I thought in the back of a silver Corolla. When I felt similar questions arise, I decided I’d rather explore why I ask myself them in the first place than actually answer them.
I love opinions. Opinions are an inevitable byproduct of conscious living. I try to uphold the philosophy that most opinions aren’t better or worse than others, just different, and therefore mine are valid because they are unique to me and my experiences. But because I enjoy reading criticism and partaking in friendly banter on the faults and merits of everything under the sun, I always feel like my opinions should be defensible. Rarely can I accept that I simply don’t like something that is celebrated by people I respect.
And so, I’ve decided that as I work to unpack my irrational insecurities around taste, it would be fun to make a list of all the things I don’t like, but wish I did. Enjoy.
On The Road by Jack Kerouac
Barcade
90’s rap
Beards
Christmas
Raw onions
Sleeping with just a sheet
American football
My hair down
Naked Lunch by William S. Burroughs. Are you seeing the pattern here?
The band A R I Z O N A
Rompers and jumpsuits
Muscular men
Labrador Retrievers, Pitbulls, and German Shepherds other than those with whom I have personal relationships
Precipitation
New York City
Writing with music playing
Gazpacho
Modern apartments
Commuting to work via subway, because what human experience is complete without hating something you do almost daily?
Spin class
Bugs
Dark lipstick
Bar sing-along songs- Don’t Stop Believin’, Come On Eileen, etc.
DIY projects/fixing things
Birth control
Wearing my glasses
The beach. I love nature, so this one really stings. I also like beach towns, but would prefer to lay by a pool. Sand sucks and the ocean scares me. However, I have enjoyed my time by the Caribbean and Mediterranean.
My middle name (Frances)
Books or movies that take place during a war
Giving blowjobs. I have a small mouth.
Dabs & most edibles
Chuck Taylors, especially on men
Being frugal
Philly accents
Using my AirPods at a safe volume
Peanut butter and chocolate together
Mint and chocolate together
Flying
Grammar nazis, especially those adhering to obsolete standards
Anime
Unstructured days, unless I’m traveling
Earth tones. My features are all brown, so wearing more brown or, say, olive green makes me feel like Mother Nature in like, an unhot way.
Networking events
Thanksgiving dinner
Parallel parking
Short fingernails